Nina In New York

Broadway Is Only Two Off's Away!

2006-11-10T15:47:00.000-05:00

I'm currently working on an Off Off Broadway play on the Lower East Side. Cooper came to see me and showered me with two dozen roses for opening night. What a sweetheart!

These Shoes Are Made For Looking

2006-09-02T13:10:00.000-04:00

Leopard print shoes are all the rage right now but they are so impractical I can't see myself putting good money down on a pair of shoes that will be out of fashion before you can say Nicole Richie. Then I came across these beauties. Zebra print heels. Wow. They're animal print, not leopard so they're not too trendy but you will definitely be hot stuff walking around with these. Soo very hot and affordable but with a heel that's five inches they'd never make it out of my closet.

Ol' Betsey Rides Again

2006-09-01T12:33:00.000-04:00

I'm going to pick up my car today from the shop. No, not Jiffy Lube, thank God.

You Slutty, Slutty Boys!

2006-08-26T13:02:00.000-04:00

Apparently, promiscuity leads to prostate cancer.
article here

Them Other Boys Don't Know How To Act

2006-08-17T23:50:00.000-04:00

Okay, I must admit that I'm loving Justin Timberlake's new song Sexy Back. I know, I know, it's Justin Timberlake for crying out loud(!) but I'm totally digging it.

Bringing the Sexy Back on Vimeo

Stop It, Just Stop It!

2006-08-02T23:16:00.000-04:00

Who the hell are still selling these slippers? Who the hell are still buying these slippers??? They are ugly and out of fashion. Stop wearing them!

Gitchi Gitchi Ya Ya Da Da

2006-07-23T10:53:00.000-04:00

Random Fact For Today: $25 million is spent a year in Vegas on lap dances alone.

Hmmm... I wonder how much is spent on flowers for the girlfriends/wives who find out?

Can You Handle My Truth?

2006-07-22T13:41:00.000-04:00

Everyone knows I'm far from a perfect person but I have these issues I really need to resolve. They're a combination of jealousy, insecurity and trust issues. Some of it stem from my relationship with X and some of it stem from my own insecurites and a lot of it stem from the fact that I know men. They're pigs. Anyway, just when I think I have a handle on them, I don't. What am I talking about? Well, I have these issues accepting the boyfriend's past. Why? Because they are things that I don't approve of, things I would never do, things I hoped the love of my life wouldn't do. Then there are the things in his past that are still here. Reminents of a particularly social person on the bar scene as well as with other recreational poisons . A womanizer perhaps, a sexually promiscuous man for sure.
So I got the following from a certain big headed doctor who has his own afternoon talk show whose name we will not mention because I can't admit to actually seeing his show or reading his books. Here's uh... Dr. Bill's(!) advice on dealing with your partner's past:
-Look at your own past. Do you really have a right to judge your partner's past?
Umm, yes.

-Your inability to get beyond your partner's past is your problem. Your partner didn't necessarily do anything to you. It's your decision if you can get beyond the past.
Umm, okay.

-Realize that your partner was not born the day you started dating him/her. No one has a totally clean slate.
Umm, I'm trying.

-Accept your partner for who he/she is -- both the good and the bad. Use that acceptance to create a bond that holds your relationship together.
Umm, alright.

-If you or your partner allow your past to define either one of you, you are living up to a label, not your personal truth.
Umm,what the hell is "personal truth" Dr. Bill? Anyway I think I understand.

-If you're being judged, tell your partner: "You can either trust me or not — but get off my back!"
Umm, I'm not being judged but I'll let the boyfriend know he can say this to me. And then when he does I'll say "Excuse me??? You are [high pitch voice] soooooo rude[/high pitch voice]!"

-Don't hang on to bad feelings from a past relationship. They will only infect your current relationship.
Umm, I KNOW THIS DR. BILL! YOU DON'T THINK I FRIGGIN' KNOW THIS?!?!? I'M TRYING!!! WHY DON'T YOU GET OFF MY BACK?!

-Define a new standard for the relationship. Commit to it together, and make a new plan for your life together.
Yes! I agree. But the boyfriend seems to think it's okay to prance around town in his ex-fiancee's alma mater t-shirt and hang out with his past lovers. How can we set a new standard for the relationship if he thinks these thing are okay??? Help me Dr. Bill!!!

-Everything you do in a relationship either contributes to it or contaminates it. What is focusing on the past doing?
Umm, contaminating it? <------- I totally got this one right!

Did I pass? What's my score?

I Am Your Density

2006-07-14T12:22:00.000-04:00

The issue of soulmates is a very tricky one. Do soulmates exist? Is there only one?
Finding your soulmate is very similar to the morning subway commute. You're on a train, he's on the same train, then you get off to transfer to the express while he stays on the local or he gets off because he has to go to Hell's Kitchen and your going to Murray Hill.But while you're wondering what happened to local train guy who you though was the cat's meow, you get on the express and along comes another great guy that got on further uptown and local guy pales in comparison to express guy.
The fact is that the person you are in like, love or lust with today might no longer exist tomorrow. He might disappear. Or YOU might disappear. We all change and morph multiple times in our life. Our soulmate is someone who changes and morphs with us. He's not changing to the local when you're on the express. He's taking the train to the Upper West side right along with you (which just so happens to be the neighborhood the two of you will move into. You just haven't decided if you like the Beresford or the San Remo better.)
Based on your life choices and decisions you will find someone whose path meets yours. Someone whose going on the same commute as you. Someone who wont mind if you share their newspaper because you were stuck behind some obnoxious asshat at Starbucks who made you late and didn't have time to get your own.
I know, I know, you're going to say if there's only one person who is your soulmate, what happens if you miss him? What happens if your paths do not cross? Will you have to settle for some pathetic shlub because you missed that elevator this morning and on it was your soulmate who was on his way to an interview for Simon, Bennett, Robbins, Oppenheimer and Taft? I'm going to get all sappy and mushy on you guys here and say no. No,you will not have to settle because your soulmate will find you and you'll find him. Everything happens for a reason. Maybe you didn't meet elevator guy because you were meant to meet him some years later when he was far more established, How else was he going to buy you that apartment in the Beresford or San Remo? Hellooo?! If you had caught that elevator and gone out with him and back to his place in (gasp!) Brooklyn, you might not have ever given him another chance and never found out for yourself all the fabulous merits of living on the Upper West Side. See?

Confessions Of A Hypochondriac

2006-06-30T15:05:00.000-04:00

*Warning: The following blog entry contains in-depth info about ahem, women's issues. If you care not to know the status of my vagina please skip this entry*

The first week of June I started suffering from a fever, body aches then nausea and vomiting. I went to the doctor. They thought I had mono. But the mono test came back negative. They thought I had strep but the strep test came back negative as well. My doctor gave me some antibiotics to take anyway. I took them and two weeks later I had vaginal itching, discharge and discomfort during urination. I was convinced I had HIV or at the very least some sort of STD. I freaked out, went to the emergency room where I was diagnosed with *here it comes*... a yeast infection. All that worrying for a yeast infection. I visit my GYN later in the week only to have her confirm that it is indeed a yeast infection. In adition to the diflucan the ER doctor prescribed me, she prescribes me a 3 day vaginal cream. I tell her I have a new partner and want to get tested for every STD under the sun. She takes three vials of blood and tells me she'll call me in a few days.
Last night was the second day I used the cream. This morning at around 5am I wake up and find a painful bump on my right labia. I jump up out of bed like the people in the movies when they have a nightmare. I have herpes, no genital warts, no HPV, no aren't some of these the same thing? Who cares, certainly not me! As far as I'm concerned I have all three! I get a hand mirror and check it out. A small flesh colored bump. It hurts when I touch it. It feels and looks like a pimple when it first appears. I call in sick to work and call my GYN. She has no office hours today. There is a local STD health clinic that takes walk-ins. I go there. It's closed for the holiday weekend. I want to scream. What am I going to do? Back to the ER of course! I am seen super quick and tell the doctor the problem. He tells me to assume the position. For the few men out there that are still reading along, the position I refer to is feet in stirrups with your ass scooted down all the way to the very edge of the examining table. The doc looks and touches the bump and says "It looks like a pimple to me." A pimple!?!? "It could be from an ingrown hair or a reaction of the yeast infection." He says it should go away on it's own but if it doesn't or it starts to get bigger to come back to the ER.
The truth is that I'm practicing safe sex so I don't know why I think all these things. Perhaps because (though I'm ashamed to admit it) I have had unprotected sex many times in the past? I'm an idiot, I know. But I was in monogamous relationships when I was not using a condom so I shouldn't be so worried. But I am anyway. Why? Because I'm a hypochondriac.

I Don't Think You're Ready For This Jelly

2006-06-10T12:53:00.000-04:00

Random Fact For Today: 42 percent of women appreciate a guy with love handles
Kelly, can you handle this? Michelle, can you handle this? Beyonce, can you handle this? I don't think you can handle this! Wooooo!

He Gets The Rebound, He Shoots...He Scores

2006-06-03T09:14:00.000-04:00

Fast forward 24 hours later and here we are in the same position. We're kissing, we're petting, we're...having sex and it's awesome. Boy did I have this guy pegged all wrong. He makes me orgasm like nobody's business and like that, I'm in love. Heh. He's perfect. He's attractive and intelligent and charming and dare I say... he looks like he'd make a great dad. I know, I know, I 've gone off the deep end. It must be the intense orgasm. But it's not. Really. I think I'm in love. I can't believe it but I think I am. It all seems insanely fast but it also seems insanely right. I've never felt like this about someone. Even with X, I was very ambivalent about him and it was months(!!) before I would even be exclusive with him. I haven't told him about my plans to move to Philadelphia in the fall though. I wonder how he's going to react. Have I just inadvertently put an expiration date on our relationship?

Going...Going...Gone

2006-06-01T00:45:00.000-04:00

It's been two weeks since my first date with Cooper. Two weeks, five dates, no nookie. Cooper and I head out for dinner and afterwards we go to a bar for drinks. It's getting late, he hasn't asked me to go back to his place, nothing like that. Am I moving too fast? Or is he just moving too slow? We have a few drinks and then I invite myself over to his place. What the hell did I just do? I am being way too forward. We make out on the couch and then take things to the bedroom. Big mistake.
I really like this guy and I want something more than just sex with him. I had "just Sex" with Joe and while it feels good at the moment, afterwards I feel...lacking.
I've jumped into bed way too early with... well with just about everyone I've slept with and I need to break the cycle for sure. What is it with me? Have I no willpower? Well I didn't need any willpower tonight because he couldn't get it up. You heard me. He. Couldn't. Get. It. Up. Do I have a sign on my head that says "Sexually Disfunctional Men Welcomed"?
Okay let me clarify the situation. He was erect but then he attempted to enter me without a condom(!!!) and when I told him to put one on-- somewhere between there and his fumbling for a condom out of his wallet and attempting to put it on he went limp. He kept apologizing and apologizing and all I could think was that I knew it was too good to be true. How could he be bad in bed? He's such a great kisser! How could this be? I dunno but oh,it be! He's not even bad though, I'd settle for bad at this point, he's just... non-existent.

A Game Of Telephone

2006-05-20T20:13:00.000-04:00

I must admit one of my guilty pleasures is gossiping. I can't help it, I love a good juicy story. However, hypocrite that I am, I can't stand when people gossip about me. As you know, Drew is in Michigan. But that hasn't stopped him from getting in on the local gossip. I mentioned in passing to Winona that I was going out on a date with a guy from Georgia, since she's from Georgia. That's all I said: I'm going out on a date with a guy from Georgia. Next thing I know I get a call from Drew saying "So I hear you have a new boyfriend from Georgia." People! Please. I can't believe how shit can get so misconstrued. I can't believe people have nothing better to do then gossip about me. Really, is my life that exciting?
Then I go to work the next day and Bossy McBoss says, "You're dating a guy from Georgia now? How old is he? Hopefully not old enough to be your father." What the hell! Now Boss knows too?!?!? Jeez, Lo-friggin-weeze!
Because of one innocent comment I made I am then bombarded by:
"Is he cute?"
"What does he do for a living?"
"Have you kissed/fucked/blown him yet? (You know this one was courtesy of Boss)
"Have you told Joe?"
Have I told Joe? No. Am I obligated to tell him? It's not like he was my boyfriend. Well technically no, but we still dated for five months. But was it really any of his business?
"If he finds out from someone else, it could hurt him." Hurt him?? He broke up with me!
So, when it comes to an office romance going sour, are you obligated to tell the other person that you're seeing someone new?

The Pseudo Date

2006-05-17T23:17:00.000-04:00

There's an old episode of Seinfeld where Todd Gack makes a bet with Elaine knowing he will lose just so he can take her out to dinner. He's too afraid to ask her out so he concocts this stupid bet thing. Elaine ends up going out on what I like to call the pseudo date. I myself was asked out on a pseudo date today. By who? Oh just some little old nobody named...JOE!
Here's the sitch... Joe asks me to do a work related favor for him. Yes, occassionally we still see each other at work. I do it because it allows me to get out of the office. When I get back the day is almost over and he says, "Thanks a bunch for going out of your way for me." I tell him it was not a problem. "How about I treat you to dinner and we'll call it even?" Even? Why, are we uneven? I was on the clock so I wasn't really doing him any favors. I am hungry though and am not one to turn down a meal but do you see what has just happened here? I got asked out on a pseudo date. A you can't reject me because it's not a real date date. Whatever. If he thinks he's trying to work his way back into my life he has another thing coming. We go to a tapas bar that's right around the way because I don't want to make a big production out of this. I tell him I have a dance class in an hour so I can't stay too long. We have a few tapas and some drinks and then he walks me to my car. Why is he doing this? My car is in the opposite direction of where he needs to be going. I say goodbye and he says, "You know, tapas isn't a real dinner, I'll have to take you out later in the week to make it up to you." Well look at Mr. Slick here. He just attempted to finagle TWO pseudo dates from one "favor". This man is incredible!

The First Date

2006-05-16T01:14:00.000-04:00

I hate first dates. There's so much pressure and anxiety no wonder some people just stay home with a pint of Ben and Jerry's instead. Cooper and I agreed on my favorite Cuban place for dinner. The same place I took Drew and Winona to back in November. I wait in front of the restaurant for him to arrive. He should be here any minute.I decide to check my messages while I'm waiting. I hate standing somewhere waiting for someone with nothing to do. It feels so awkward. He arrives and we go inside the restaurant.
I'm usually against dinner for first dates because if the date turns sour there's no way to make a graceful exit until the meal is over. If the guy's a loser you're stuck there listening to him drone on and on about shit you could care less about. But none of that matters here because Peter and I have a great connection. There's lots of banter and very little awkward pauses. Little to no awkard pauses are the sign of a great date. Another sign of a great date? We stay until the restaurant closes.
We leave the restaurant around 12am and he walks me home. Now it's time for The Goodbye. I hate The Goodbye. It's so awkward, do you hug, kiss on the cheek, the lips? What? He says he had a good time and would like to see me Wednesday. I agree to go out Wednesday night and here it comes...The Goodbye! The following all plays in slow motion in my head. He smiles. He says goodnight. He moves closer to me. Is he going for the lips? Or the cheek? Lips or cheek? Lips or cheek?? He passes my lips and goes for the cheek. I'm slightly disappointed. Would it be too forward to get a kiss on the lips on a first date? Am I too eager for affection since I haven't gotten laid in a while? Who knows. I had a really great time and though I'm disappointed I got a kiss on the cheek instead of the mouth, there's always hope for Wednesday.

My Space, Your Space

2006-05-15T17:04:00.000-04:00

Last night was Shannon's birthday. She was throwing a little get together and some bar/lounge type of thing. I haven't been on a date since going out with Ryder though that annoying Josh text messaged me this morning (ugh!) so I was determined to make the most of the night with my girlfriends and maybe catch they eye of a cute guy. around 9ish my friend Cara and I met up. Shannon kept calling us every 5 minutes to make sure we were still coming. We finally arrived and Cara and I exchanged looks. This was so not our scene. Shannon is so lovable and goofy, the kitschy bar fit her perfectly. Before my ass even reached the bar stool I was ordering a drink.
We chatted, took pictures and laughed up a storm and I noticed out of the corner of my eye a guy checking me out. "You must be Nina" he said as he walked toward me. "Uh, yeah" I said taken aback. "I'm Cooper, I'm a friend of Shannon's." He was very cute and quite charming. "How did you know my name?" I asked. Shannon sent the invite to this thing over MySpace I clicked on the link to see all her friends and I saw you're picture and said I definitely have to come if she's going to be there." I laughed. This guy was either really charming or really stalker like. I hadn't decided yet. Cara was giving me a ride home so she let me know she was ready to leave. I went to the bathroom before we left, but when I came out he was gone. Peter NoLastName was gone.

I woke up today to check my email to find a notice from MySpace saying I had a message from a "Cooper". He wanted to know if I was up for dinner and because it was last minute if I wasn't free he completely understood. I emailed him back telling him I was indeed free and would like to have dinner with him. *Swoon* I just got myself a date!

The Two-Fold Path

2006-05-11T11:02:00.000-04:00

All week I've been on the hunt for a dress for a wedding I have to attend next week. I'm looking for something that will show how fabulous I look (full of myself? me? never!) but at the same time I could care less what dress I pick out as after this wedding it will probably be sitting in the back of my closet for the rest of it's life. The only thing more pointless than shopping for a wedding dress when you're not the bride is shopping for an outfit to a funeral when you're not the corpse. Funerals always remind me that eventually I too will be dead one day and I better do something meaningful with my life. Weddings always bring out the cynic in me (I give this upcoming union three years tops) and with this wedding some bitterness that two putzes have managed to find one another meanwhile I'm flying solo to this event. Well even if I had a date, I couldn't bring him. I wasn't even given a plus one on my invitation. You see that?
My singledom has been invalidated by a couple who decided that unless you're married, your significant other doesn't count! Not that I have a significant other- that's not the point. The point is why my single life is being treated like I made a bad choice. Are there only two choices: being single or married? And is one right and one wrong? Have they made the better choice because they're getting married while I decided that it's better to be single than be married to someone who's completely wrong for you?

My Secret Text Admirer

2006-05-05T19:41:00.000-04:00

So here I am watching a rerun of Law And Order on TNT and I receive a text message on my phone.
" So What are you up to this Cinco De Mayo?"
I completely forgot it was Cinco De Mayo but more importantly I had no idea who the text message was from.
"Who is this?" I text back.
A few minutes later, another text comes through.
"Can you handle some shots of tequila, salsa dancing and debauchery tonight at seven?"
Who the hell is this mystery texter? Who knows I like tequila? Well people I go out drinking with--that could be a lot of people. Who knows I like salsa dancing? Drew does, but he's not even in town. Joe knows but he hates dancing and we are not on speaking terms so it's definitely not him. Boom! Then it hits me. What if it's X? Oh my God, what if it is X???? What do I do??
"You expect me to go out on a date with a mystery man? Why don't you tell me who you are?"
Then that's it. Five minutes go by and there's no replying text. Ten minutes go by. Did I scare my secret admirer away? His number came up along with his texts, should I just call him? Do I even want to go out tonight?
Then my phone rings. I check the caller ID. It's the same number that's been texting me. Do I pick up?
"Hello?"
"Well, hello there good looking."
I don't recognize the voice. He addresses me by name so he most definitely knows me.
"Hello to you too." I say with a little confusion in my voice.
"It's Josh."
Oh...Josh. I haven't spoken to him in quite a while. He asks me what I'm doing tonight.
"Josh, while I'm flattered you want to take me out tonight, I don't think it's a good idea. You live in Philadelphia and the truth is, I'm not looking for a fling. I'm looking for more. And with you living in a different city that's probably not possible."
I can't believe I turned down a date on Friday night. What the hell am I going to do now? Make it a Blockbuster Night? Ugh.

You're Invited...

2006-05-04T23:41:00.000-04:00

You and a guest are welcome to join me in my day of self-pity. Please join me at Pity Party Central on the corner of Drama and Queen.
I've been laid off from my job. Bossy McBoss laid me off. I cannot believe it. I have seniority over every last one of these douche bags and I got laid off. What the hell am I going to do? Since it was part time work I can't even collect unemployment. It's only going to be temporary but since I'm leaving work in September and I am being laid off for 8 weeks that leaves my very few months left. He laid Winona off as well. Me and Winona sitting in a tree, s-t-e-a-m-i-n-g.
Thank God I have my other part time job otherwise I would really be pissed. Acting doesn't exactly pay the bills (especially at my level) so I'm stuck with many unfufilling jobs. I'm attempting a career, but right now all I have is a bunch of jobs. Jobs suck. Careers are great. But jobs? Jobs suck.
The thing is I almost quit my other job earlier this week. If I had I would be out of two jobs. Two jobs in the last three days!!! I tried calling Drew but it was late and he didn't pick up so I left him a message. I miss my friend. He really was my best friend. And now he's gone. So now I'm jobless, friendless and (not to beat a dead horse) boyfriendless.

From Dumpsville to Hipster Central

2006-04-24T20:32:00.001-04:00

Yesterday was my first date since ending thing with Joe. The thing with Josh doesn't count. Okay, it does. Anyway, Ryder and I meet after work and head down to a bar on Rivington called The Magician. He is very polite and pulls out my chair. We chat and drink our drinks for about an hour. We talk about films and music and he lends me his Yeah Yeah Yeah cd and tells me he thinks I'll really like them. We then walk down to the Angelika on W. Houston to see Brick a new independent film that recently came out. Once the movie is over we walk towards the subway and chat about the movie. Ryder is a cool guy but way too hipsterish for my taste.
Plus he's a smoker and smoking is a deal breaker for me. I should've figured he was a hipster by the way he was dressed when I met him and then when I found out that he works at the Bowery Poetry Club. Oh well. As we get to my subway station we say goodnight and he kisses my hand and says he had a great night. So though there wasn't a love connection at the end of the night, I got to see a great movie and had a good time.

Himbo Haiku

2006-04-21T23:38:00.000-04:00

Everyone remember Hot Real Estate Agent Guy aka Josh? Well he calls me to tell me he is going to be in town this weekend and if I'd like to go out for dinner. Now I happen to think Josh is very good looking but after talking with him for the past two weeks I have come to realize he is a himbo. I've done the himbo thing and I don't want to revisit it. So, I tell him I'll be working very late all weekend (which was true) but that maybe we can make it for another time. I should've known he was a himbo but I was blinded by all the pretty.

Hot little himbo
You would be such a good lay
But I like brain cells

I decide not to pursue anything with Josh b/c even though he is hot, he lives in Philadelphia. And he's a moron. Besides I met this guy the other day (Ryder) and things look more promising with him if only for the fact that he lives in New York City. Were going out on Sunday night.

Good Eats, Good Times

2006-04-20T18:46:00.000-04:00

Went out with Drew after work to John's Pizzeria on Bleecker for some way good pizza and then we headed over to the The Art Bar on 8th Avenue for some drinks. Drew's leaving to Michigan next week so we are celebrating this whole week by getting piss drunk as much as we can. After my third screwdriver I spent the rest of the night moaning about how it sucks to be single and then Drew decided to record our outing with his camera phone which consisted of us lauging hysterically about nothing much and acting like idiots. It's probably on his MySpace right now. At 2 in the morning we decided to call it quits and went home. All in all a good night.

Huddled Masses Yearning To Look Good

2006-04-19T12:55:00.000-04:00

Last weekend was the debut of the Auto Show at the Jacob Javits Center. Apparently it's a big to do. I'm not a car aficionado so I could care less but what I did care about was the lack of good looking men at the show. Tons of gorgeous cars, nary a gorgeous man in sight.
Most of the people seemed to be from the outer boroughs which leads me to ask: WHY ARE THERE SO MANY UGLY PEOPLE OUTSIDE OF MANHATTAN? Walking around Brooklyn or Queens (sorry folks, I do not venture out to the Bronx or Staten Island) one is bombarded by the average to ugly folks with no fashion sense. It's very rare to see a genuine good looking man and it's almost impossible to see two. Even the girls are more hoochified and tacky. This is not to say that you don't find people in Manhattan that look this way because you do. The only thing is they are probably just hanging out in Manhattan and heading back to their outer borough home. There are a few of these people that actually live in Manhattan, but the ratio of ugly to pretty people is so much higher everywhere else that they are hardly a blip on the radar.
So what's my theory on all this? Pretty people are more successful than ugly people. Wait, let me correct that, pretty people become successful more quickly than ugly people. That's a proven fact. Go read Survival Of The Prettiest. It's a great book. So since pretty people are usually more sucessful they have the better paying jobs and the bigger paycheck, so they can afford the apartment in Manhattan (as opposed to Weehawken) hence, the all the pretty people live in Manhattan theory.
With that said, there were some ugly, tacky mofos at the Auto Show. So for these men (And I'll throw in a bit for the ladies at the end) here's a little memo that you probably missed:
Wearing pants that fall off your ass is not attractive
Shirts that say things like "Pimpin Aint Easy" or "International House Of Pimpin" should never be worn. The only exception is if you are a skinny white boy hipster from Ohio who wears it in an ironic way. Even then, it's a bit sketchy.
Doo rags? Why do they even exist? Stop wearing them. Everyone.
Learn to speak English properly. Double negatives are not sexy.
Ladies...
Please stop wearing thick gold hoop earrings with your name in them. I like (small) hoop earrings as much as the next girl, but the thick ghetto gold earrings with your name in them? Tack-ay.
Red lipstick with black liner. This was hip on chicana girls from Cali circa 1990. This was never hip on New York girls circa EVER!
Mustaches. Girls shouldn't have mustaches. 'Nuff said.
Pants that are so tight half your body is spilling out of them. It makes you look fat even when you aren't. It makes you look ten times fatter if you are.
If you don't have a flat belly don't wear a belly shirt.
And lastly, pick up a fashion magazine. I'm partial to W, Vogue and Lucky. Elle is pretty good too. If you don't see it in a fashion magazine (or something like it) please don't buy it. I don't car what the kids in the 'hood are wearing. You need to do us all a favor and stop looking like trash. It's hurting our eyes.
Everyone: Take your notes and fly, fly far far away to the nearest trendy clothing store (Soho is a good place to start) and start looking good. If you have an ugly face, there's nothing I can do about that, but at least you won't be dressed ugly.

A Not So Foreign Exchange

2006-04-16T23:27:00.000-04:00

Today I went by Joe's place to do the exchange. You know, the "give me my shit and I'll give you yours now get out of my face you inconsiderate jackass" exchange. It's not like we had a lot of stuff to exchange, mostly some books and DVD's. It was sunny out so when I ring the doorbell, I still have my sunglasses on. He opens the door. He says hello. I don't even look at him and mumble hello back. I take my sunglasses off. He starts to make small talk about his day but I cut him off and plop down his things and ask for mine. He gives me my stuff and I ask him if he was ever going to return my things if I didn't call him to tell him I wanted to give him his stuff back. He says he "would've called." Unbeknownst to Joe, this totally set me off and the following is my tirade to him:

"You were going to call? When? It's been a week! Oh, I see you had intentions to call just like you had intentions to break things off, but like breaking things off I guess you just NEVER GOT AROUND TO IT! Since you are too chicken shit to do anything I guess I had to break up with ME and I had to call YOU to give you back YOUR crap!!!" I say, with the words dripping with disdain as they fall off my tongue. He looks scared shitless, like I've just turned into some psycho bitch when the reality is he just turned into a spineless man. "Since It looks like you have nothing else to say to me, I'll be leaving!" And Bam! goes the apartment door and off I walk in an irritated huff to my car. As I jump into my car I turn the engine on and as I'm ready to pull out I notice something on the floor of the passenger seat. A book. Joe's book. It must've fell down when I was driving here and I didn't notice. I stare at the book and I think about how my whole relationship started with Joe because of a book. Should I go back and give it to him? Not on your life. I roll down the window, chuck the book and drive off.

10 Things I Hate About You

2006-04-10T20:18:00.000-04:00

So I know I said I wouldn't, I couldn't and I shouldn't publish "the list" but I am so effin pissed right now, I must. Ladies and Gentleman, submitted for your approval... "The List Of Things I Hate About Joe"

1. He is a slob. Were not talking messy here. I am messy. We are talking an Oscar Madison type slob here.
2. He wears tighty whities. What grown man wears tighty whities. Do you know how unsexy it is to see a man remove his clothes only to reveal a pair of white briefs? Very unsexy if you ask me.
3.He has anger management issues. He once spit at a passing car on Delancey because he was honking too loud. Then that one time at band camp...er I mean that one time at Veracruz on Bedford Ave he chastised our waitress for bring him a margarita with salt when he had asked for no salt. He really ripped the waitress a new one. And I can't forget when he called T-Mobile and started cursing at the customer service agent.
4. He's old enough to be my father. Now he can't help the fact that he's old. But he's twenty years my senior. Twenty years! Jeez. The fact that he's so much older than me would have you believe he would not be so chidish. Wrong. I had to confront him about blowing me off. I had to confront him when he just suddenly stopped calling. Why couldn't he be man enough to tell me "This just isn't working out. We have to continue working together so I wanted to be upfront about this to you so we can at least be civilzed when we see each other around work."
5.He's a bad dresser. Okay, now this he can't really help eather. He's stuck in the 80's. Every story he tells is about college. He's like Al Bundy recalling his four touchdowns in one game. Because he likes to live in the 80's he can't help but still dress like he's in the 80's. Still, that is no excuse his taste in clothing sucks. You're 44 years old! You footwear should include more than sneakers, sneakers and SNEAKERS!
6.His taste in music...BAD. So very very bad.
7.He voted for George W. Nuff said.
8. He's a hermit. He has no friends and according to him, likes it like that. He didn't even visit his family for Christmas and they only live in Jersey!
9. The noises he makes. He breathes too hard. No, he's not doing some Herculean task, he's just sitting there like a lump. A lump who breathes hard. And he snores. Let us not forget how he frequently (and loudly)passes gas. Yuck.
10. And finally... He's never made me orgasm once in bed. Ever. This has never been a problem for me with any other man. But no, he has never made me orgasm, not once, not evah!

In conclusion, yes I realize how juvenile this is (but I actually refrained from putting more personal things on this list believe it or not-- yes, I could be an even bigger bitch if I wanted to) and I might regret putting this up for everyone to see...one day. But today is not that day.

One Is The Lonliest Number

2006-04-05T23:31:00.000-04:00

Today I was unceremoniously dumped. Soy un perdedor. I'm a loser, baby. I got the "It's not you, it's me" with a side of "let's just be friends". It sucks to be me right now. Okay, okay, like I didn't see this bullshit coming. Joe was blowing me off for a few weeks now. I had to know it was coming. Still,it sucks. There's still a feeling of rejection when someone says they prefer the company of others to your exclusive company. In this case Joe prefers the company of his books. His books, people! I got dumped for A Confederacy of Dunces! That must be one good friggin' book!
So my question to no one in particular is, WHY DO I EVEN CARE????? Joe was not my soulmate, not even my boyfriend. Just a man I was dating for a little over 5 months. There are so many things that turn me off about him, yet I'm still attracted to this doofus? What is wrong with me? I guess it's true: The heart wants what it wants.
I wrote a list of all the things I dislike about Joe so whenever I get all misty eyed about the good times we had, I can break open this list and realize that he is not so great. I'm tempted to post the list however, what if Joe is reading my blog and sees it? That would be mean of me. And two wrongs don't make a right. Right?

First Comes...

2006-04-03T09:54:00.000-04:00

With women getting married later and later in life and more importantly, women putting careers before romance, what is a girl to do when it comes to sex? Sex and romance do not necessarily go hand in hand-- many women find this to be true not just myself. I personally don't think I'm ready to enter a committed relationship, a meet the folks, hang out with my buddies, if you sleep with that slut who lives in your building I'm gonna kick your ass type of relationship. Ready,I am not. I'd rather just have a guy who I go out with and sleep with (exclusively) until I find myself ready for a real life relationship (if that day ever comes). I can't even commit to what I'm going to eat for breakfast, so I'm in no position to commit to a man. Now I know what you're thinking, how can you say you're in no position to commit to a man but yet you want a man to exclusively sleep with you? Well that exclusivity is only there for safety reasons and nothing else. In this day and age with STDs running rampant, I'd rather just have one sex partner at a time. That's just me. So I'm pretty much looking for an exclusive friends with benefits deal here.If I were to put an ad out for this position it would go something like this:

Attractive male sought for exclusive sexual relationship with the option of other activities such as dinner, movies, etc. Both parties involved will agree to remain exclusive sexual partners until one party has decided they wish to have another sexual partner. At that time, the party wishing to end the agreement will let the other party know their services are no longer needed and they are free to find another suitable candidate. Agreement will then be terminated with no hard feelings, no stalkerish tendencies, and no obligation to be friends (unless that agreement is made beforehand and is mutual). If you feel like an ideal candidate for this job please send resumes to:

And that would be my ad. That pretty much sums up what I want in my life right now and I know I can't be alone. I know there are other women out there that wish they could have the same thing. A warm body to come home to without any of the drama of a relationship. It's perfect. Now where do I find one of these things?

The Fear Of Rejection Gets 'Em Every Time

2006-03-28T23:49:00.000-05:00

Today I'd like to talk about this strange phenomenom that has been going on. Boy and Girl's eyes connect from across the room/street/subway car/whatever and Boy and Girl flirt with one another. Boy and Girl have nice banter. Boy gives Girl his business card with his number on it and asks her to call him if she's up for hanging out. What the hell is this? I know I've been out of the dating scene for a while, but once upon a time, I guy used to ask you for your number not give you his! Are guys so afraid of rejection that they have resorted to this? And what is a modern girl to do? Are guys merely giving us what we say we want in times of sexual equality? Or do we want to have our cake and eat it too?
My friend Shannon is thinking about moving to Philadelphia (yes all my friends are moving away)and I myself have considered moving there from time to time. Philadelphia is a smaller version of New York and the rents are way affordable. Plus one is still close enough to New York (about 90 minutes)to not feel completely isolated. She asks me to go with her to Philly this past weekend to view some apartments. We go and the real estate agent is super cute and lo and behold, he's flirting with me! Apartment after apartment his eyes are fixated on me while he's telling Shannon about the apartment. At the end of the day he gives me his card and says I should give him a call. A call for what? Business or pleasure? The next day we are at it again, looking at apartments. I tell Shannon that I'm interested and to go "feel him out" while I take a phone call in the other room. Shannon, being the absolutely bluntest she can be says, "We'll if you're going to make a move on her, you better do it now." As I'm on the phone I walk toward the doorway in an attempt to hear/see what Shannon is saying/doing and bam! There he is, Hot Real Estate Agent right in the doorway! I hang up quickly and flash him a smile. He starts asking me how I like Philadelphia, blah blah blah... all I can think about is how good he would look naked. So we talk for what seems like forever and then Shannon enters the room. He says, "Okay so let's get back to work, but why don't you give me your number so I can call you". I give him my number and Shannon and I give each other a look of success. Score!
The rest of the day he flirts some more and then at the end of the evening when we are going to catch our train back to New York City we say our goodbyes.
"Have a good night and I'll give you a call."
"Okay, We'll I look forward to hearing from you."
Flash forward to Tuesday (today) and I'm hanging out with Joe (ugh.. don't get me started on this piece of work, no I have no idea what is going on between us, probably nothing anymore,so don't ask)and guess who calls... why Josh, Hot Real Estate Agent Guy. First off how awkward! Joe's in the same room, but Joe and I are most definitely not in a relationship so why should I care? Maybe because I don't want him to think I'm a slutty type of girl that sleeps with more than one person at a time? Well anyway... After about a 10 minute conversation, Josh tells me he is on his way to some sort of benefit sponsored by his company and that he just wanted to say "hello" Then he says, here's the kicker...
"Well now you have my number, so feel free to give me a call anytime."
Wha?
Are you kidding me? Dude, you asked for my number so you could call just to say hello???? I rolled my eyes as I put my cellphone away and then looked over at Joe and felt utterly irritated. Men are so unbelievably chicken shit. For someone who is not in a relationship, I sure have a lot of male related stress.

Dream A Little Dream

2006-03-18T21:22:00.000-05:00

Today I had a very weird dream and I called up Dexy to tell her my dream.
Me:So,I was in bed with Brad Pitt circa Fight Club, not circa now, ew!
Dexy: No not now, ew!
Me:No,ew! Anyway, I was in bed with Brad Pitt and there we were in flagrante delicto, me having the time of my life and well how can I put this delicately, I was just about to have my um bell ummm... rung and then all of a sudden Brad's face turned into...guess who's? You'll never guess!
Dexy:X's!
Me: You guessed!
What the hell kind of dream is this?!? What a way to start off the day. The most disturbing thing in the dream was that right before my bell rang and Brad's face turned into X's was that he said "I miss you"! When I realized what was going on I tried to get him off of me but I couldn't. I couldn't move. I woke up with my heart racing. I felt like I just had a nightmare. I felt so violated, like I had been raped or something. It was very disturbing. What does this all mean? I don't want X back and I really don't want him to tell me that he misses me so why would I dream this shit? It's really upsetting. All I want to do is move on with my life and this jackass keeps popping up in my dreams. Yes, I said keeps. One time I had a dream that Joe and I were doing carnal gymnastics and then Joe turned into...X. Yuck. I'm getting nauseous just thinking about it.

Frankly My Dear...

2006-03-17T21:58:00.000-05:00

Let me start off by wishing all my Irish friends a Happy Saint Paddy's Day. My friend Dexy offered to come by and make some cocktails so we could have a good ol' time here with my injured foot, so she will be stopping by shortly. I haven't seen Dexy in ages, though we always IM and call one another. While I was home today doing absolutely nothing, I cam across this website that does facial recognition. Basically you upload a photo of yourself and it tells you what celebrity you look like. I'm guessing a lot of it has to do with the position of your face because I got many different people. But one person who kept coming up in all the photos I uploaded was Vivien Leigh! Wha?? I totally don't see the resemblence. I think it's the eyebrows and the bitchface thing, but other than that- I got nothing! Other people that apparently look like me? Kristin Kreuk an actress on the television show Smallville, Anne Hathaway of Brokeback Mountain and Shannon Elizabeth from American Pie!!! That is a weird website indeed.

The Show Must Go On

2006-03-16T15:32:00.000-05:00

During rehearsal earlier this week I managed to injure my ankle so I will be out of commission for three weeks. I wish I could tell you it was some kind of Showgirls scenario where someone pushed me down a flight of stairs, but it wasn't. On the plus side I can take some much needed time off of work. Conveniently enough I was doing interviews on Monday for my replacement and hired someone Tuesday morning so it all works out. So Frank (that's the new guy) will take over this week and when I have recovered, I will have my original position back (I was wearing both hats for the last four months). In the meanwhile I have been sitting at home watching DVDs and reading acting books and plays. I can at least work on my craft while I'm incapacitated.
Today I watched What Not To Wear and lots of Law and Order reruns on TNT. I really want to rent Junebug and I have Shopgirl on DVD but I haven't been in the mood to watch it just yet. Tonight my plans are to see what is on Time Warner On Demand, cuddle up to some Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia.

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

2006-03-14T00:47:00.000-05:00

It was a long day at work. I didn't get out until 8pm. My eyes are heavy and my feet can't stand to be in heels another minute. The only thing keeping me going is the warm night (warm for what is still Winter) and my plans to go see a movie after work with some friends in Times Square. I'm heading down the street to catch the 1 train downtown.I was walking down a rather quiet Broadway on the Upper West Side and I see this little boy who couldn't possibly be older than two years old coming running toward me. He had a smile on his face and was giggling. Perhaps he was playing a game with some other children? But there were no other children around. Then I see a woman in the distance running in the same direction. Her son. The boy continues to run with glee and he gets closer and closer to me. The only thing separating us is the street. I suddenly realize that this boy isn't going to stop running. He's going to run right into the street and onto the other sidewalk where I'm waiting for the light to change! How could this boy, however young he is, not know that he can't run into the middle of the street?!? The light is still green and the boy makes his first steps out into the street. I jump out into the street dodging a car and grab the boy. He is still smiling. I feel like John Travolta in the last scene of Look Who's Talking when he rushes in the middle of traffic to get baby Mikey. Except this boy doesn't have a hot dad who rushes up to thank me and then proceeds to make out with me. No. This boy has an ungrateful mom who doesn't even thank me. Hmph!

Attack Of The Quarter Life Crisis

2006-03-01T11:01:00.000-05:00

Where am I going?
And what will I find?
What's in this grab-bag that I call my mind?
What am I doing alone on the shelf?
Ain't it a shame,
No one's to blame, but myself...
Which way is clear?
When you've lost your way year after year?
Do I keep falling in love
For just the kick of it?
Staggering through the thin and thick of it,
Hating each old and tired trick of it.
Know what I am,
I'm good and sick of it!
Where am I going?
Why do I care?
Run to the Bronx, or Washington Square,
No matter where I run I meet myself there,
Looking inside me, what do I see?
Anger and hope and doubt,
What am I all about?
And where am I going?
You tell me!
Where am I going?
Why do I care?
Run to the Bronx, or Washington Square,
No matter where I run I meet myself there,
Looking inside me, what do I see?
Anger and hope and doubt
What am I all about?
And where am I going?
You tell me!

The Play's The Thing

2006-02-28T12:05:00.000-05:00

I recently won the lead role in an Off-Off Broadway play and I am very excited about getting back on the stage. I haven't done a play since 2002 because I've been focused on attaining a film career but I'm glad to be getting back into the theatre game. Today is the last day of February and all I can say is thank God because that means Spring is right around the corner. Twenty more days until Spring begins! Because I have Seasonal Affective Disorder, you can see why I am so happy. Even if I didn't have SAD, you could still see why I am so happy. Winter sucks! Even though Spring is just around the corner, today is decidedly very Winter. It is 27 degrees out. Bleh. To cheer everyone up I leave you the Februrary model for the 2006 DIEUX DU STADE Calendar. Yum!

Stuck On Stupid

2006-02-24T18:22:00.000-05:00

So I didn't win the dress I was lusting after. It's not that I didn't win, I just stopped bidding on it. I realized why I loved that dress so much, its because I have a dress just like it. In the very back of my closet in a garment bag was an almost identical dress. So I decided I didn't need it anymore. See how fickle I am sometimes? On a completely different note, today was the day for X's sentencing and I told you I would keep you updated. Well I haven't heard anything yet but as soon as I do I will put it in my blog.
I haven't written about Joe in a while mainly because there was nothing to write about and now because things have taken a turn for the worse. Pushy gal that I am, I pushed him into defining our relationship. Why? Well, I'm not really sure. I guess I just wanted to know how he feels about me. When I first started seeing him, he would actually say things that would make my heart flutter.Then all of a sudden he just stopped.I don't understand him sometimes. He is a retard. But I still like him so what does that make me? There are so many things wrong with him but I don't care. At the end of the day, he makes me happy and that's all that counts. But right now I am not happy. Right now I'm thinking about how Joe wants to just keep things casual between us therefore meaning I'm not girlfriend-worthy, therefore meaning I'm undesirable therefore making me feel like utter crap. There are tons of men that would be thrilled to have me for their girlfriend, but the one person that I really care about, that I wish would look at me in that kind of light, doesn't. Men suck. If they weren't so darn cute I'd have nothing to do with them.

It's A Wrap!

2006-02-17T22:42:00.000-05:00

Folks, I am in love! Yessirree! We met online. It was love at first click. A gorgeous vintage wrap dress on eBay. I'm currently the highest bidder, but the auction doesn't end until Wednesday evening. I'll keep you updated on whether or not I win the current love of my life.
With my last entry I decided to be more fearless and take more control in my life. On Thursday I went to my first ever ballroom dance lesson. It was fun. I didn't know what I was doing but more importantly, I was just throwing myself in it and that is what counts. And today when a hobo unknowingly poked me really hard with his violin bow while on the subway, instead of not saying anything (which is what I would normally do) I yelled at him. It felt good.

Fear and Loathing in New York

2006-02-15T17:57:00.000-05:00

I'm thinking about leaving New York. I know I say this every Winter but really, I'm thinking of leaving. While New York can be a very lovely city sometimes, I think I just need to leave. Really, I think it is because I just want to leave everything behind. Don't you ever just want to start anew sometimes? New job, new city, new friends, new life? I'm tired of.... well I'm not quite sure what I'm tired of...everything?
I'm a very fickle person, that much is true. The only thing I have never changed my mind or my feelings on is acting. And other than act, I have no idea what to do with myself or what to do with my life. I finally figured out what it all comes down to: fear. The fear of being friendless, the fear of rejection, the fear of having my heart broken, the fear of the unknown. I woke up today(figuratively, not literally of course) and realized I have never been so scared in my whole entire life than I am now.
Frankly, I am tired of this bullshit. I'm tired of being tired and I'm tired of being afraid. I'm tired of not going after what I want. I want success, I want happiness and maybe because of that shitty fucking holiday called Valentine's Day that just passed which was only created to remind us all what losers we are if we have no one to love us, I want to be loved.

Singles Awareness Day

2006-02-14T16:16:00.000-05:00

Wishing everyone a Happy Valentine's Day!

Is Pathetic The New Black?

2006-02-11T23:39:00.000-05:00

In this day and age women feel we can do anything a man does. We have gone from being barefoot and pregnant to being the CEO of a Fortune 500 business company or a potential candidate for the next presidential election. Like those cheesy Virginia Slims ads say "You've come a long way baby." But what about the dynamic between women and men in courting situations? We've been conditioned by the media to believe we can have anything we want; to take the world by the balls. But what about when it comes to men? Should we take them by their balls?
Do men like agressive women, a woman who goes for what she wants with men? Or do men still like playing the game of cat and mouse? Is it okay for women to ask men out on a date? What about proposing? Or what about simply asking someone to be their Valentine? Valentine's Day will soon be upon us and Winona tells me that she has never had a real Valentine's Day. By "real" she is referring to spending the day with a boyfriend. So this Valentine's Day she has decided to ask, no to demand that Drew be her Valentine. The problem? Well they are broken up! This is a really risky move. Much more riskier then me suddenly straddling Joe in the hopes of getting some nookie. Could this be beyond risky and into just pain pathetic territory? When does a woman go from being assertive to being desperate? Winona knows what she wants (Drew) so she goes after it. The only problem is Drew has told her he does not want to date her anymore and that he would rather just be friends.
When I last wrote about my friend Shannon, she had just broken up with her boyfriend. Her boyfriend who beat her. Yup, she confessed to me some nights later after my first date with Joe that he smacked her and she put a restraining order on him. I give her a call today just to see how she is since I haven't talked to her since New Years and she tells me she has moved in with her ex-boyfriend! What the hell is going on here? Shannon is a smart girl, a teacher working on her Master's and she has gone back to this prick? Why? Surely she can find better. This reminds me of my other college buddy Janice who is in Law School right now. Janice comes from a well off family and is studying to be a lawyer. Her boyfriend, Sam had gone off and proposed to a woman while they were on a break. The reason for the break? He couldn't commit to marriage and she was tired of waiting. Somehow he finagled his way back into Janice's life because years back Janice had an abortion and according to her, because of this abortion she feels this connection to Sam. Isn't the act of an abortion not to have a connection to some loser you dated in college? Whatever. She eventually gave him the boot, but one has to wonder what is wrong with all these women. Seemingly, smart well educated women acting so pathetic and/or settling for crap. Is this what we've come to?

It's Not That I'm Lazy, It's Just That I Don't Care

2006-02-08T19:50:00.000-05:00

I've been missing quite a lot of work lately. Well I wouldn't exactly say I've been missing it, Bob. I come in when I want, I leave when I want. Fuck those TPS Reports and their coversheets. Here's my day: I usually come in two hours late, sometimes three. As soon as I arrive, I take a piss break, then a lunch break. On my way back from lunch, I grab a newspaper. I read the paper, do the SuDoKu puzzle ( I usually get the Post because it comes with two SuDoKu puzzles), talk on the phone, occasionally do a little work, roll my eyes a lot, sigh a lot, then go home early. Even after all this Boss still hasn't fired me. I can't believe how hard it is to get fired. You'd think you could just use a swear word every now and then, not show up to work, show up late, complain a lot and you'd be sacked. Nope, not with Boss. I think I'd have to set the place on fire before he fired me, and even then I imagine he'd be a little hesitant to do so.

Movin' Out

2006-02-06T21:49:00.000-05:00

Today I got a call from a talent agency wanting to arrange an interview with me. I come down at 1pm, the interview goes swell and the agent says she most definitely wants to work with me. Fabulous! I get home have lunch then go to Winona's place to help Drew move out. Winona is not there, she's at school (her first day) .
"I see, so you waited for her to leave before moving, huh? Shouldn't we be doing this in the middle of the night or something with the engine running?" I say with a smirk on my face.
"Oh, shut the hell up!" Drew retorts.
He asks if Winona and I talked about him yesterday. I say she did most of the talking. He says when he got home from Atlantic City Sunday Night she was very emotional and gave him an ultimatum. We both started laughing because well frankly, there is no relationship between the two of them so how can you give an ultimatum to a guy who has already dumped you? Denial isn't just a river in Egypt folks!
Drew is moving in the apartment below me, so we drop off his stuff and then go out for dinner. We talk more about Winona , but we also talk about his upcoming move to Michigan. He's really excited and I wish him the best of luck.

He's Just Not That Into You

2006-02-05T22:17:00.000-05:00

I like Winona, I really do. Unfortunately she doesn't seem to get that it is over between her and Drew. She says he's giving her mixed signals. I personally think she's holding on to something that's not there. The whole day all we talk about is her and Drew, Drew and her. She reveals to me that she still loves him. They started dating at the end of September and Drew told her they should just be friends the first week of January. Mind you she was not in New York for the month of October or November. So one week in September, 31 days in December and 1 week in January. That's about seven weeks. Seven weeks! And they are in love with each other? Jeez Louise! Anyway, the poor girl is really heartbroken and the next time the subject comes up I am going to tell her to forget him and move on. As I left her that day I started thinking about the Cranberries song that they played virtually everywhere back in the early 90s. A beautiful but slightly pathetic song. Nonetheless, it aptly applies to this situation. Except for the insinuations of cheating, because Drew never cheated on her.

If you, if you could return

Don’t let it burn, don’t let it fade

I’m sure I’m not being rude

But it’s just your attitude

It’s tearing me apart

It’s ruining everything

And I swore, I swore I would be true

And honey so did you

So why were you holding her hand

Is that the way we stand

Were you lying all the time

Was it just a game to you

But I’m in so deep

You know I’m such a fool for you

You got me wrapped around your finger

Do you have to let it linger

Do you have to, do you have to

Do you have to let it linger

Oh, I thought the world of you

I thought nothing could go wrong

But I was wrong

I was wrong

If you, if you could get by

Trying not to lie

Things wouldn’t be so confused

And I wouldn’t feel so used

But you always really knew

I just wanna be with you

And I’m in so deep

You know I’m such a fool for you

You got me wrapped around your finger

Do you have to let it linger

Do you have to,do you have to

Do you have to let it linger

And I’m in so deep

You know I’m such a fool for you

You got me wrapped around your finger

Do you have to let it linger

Do you have to, do you have to

Do you have to let it linger

You know I’m such a fool for you

You got me wrapped around your finger

Do you have to let it linger

Do you have to, do you have to

Do you have to let it linger

My name is Peter Gibbons and I work at Initech

2006-01-28T19:43:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was the worst fucking day of work EVER. I tried to quit today but Boss wouldn't let me. So now I have become Peter Gibbons from Office Space. I did not go to work today. I didn't quit, I just didn't go. Last night I left work early and went with Joe to go see Blue Oyster Cult ( there should be an umlaut over the "o" but I'm too lazy to figure out how to do that) later that night. Being born in 1981 and not being into heavy metal, I was completely unaware of this band and was only going because Joe invited me and I try not to be a complete bitch and do only things I like to do. So apparently the guys in this band are hella old but I must say I was impressed once I saw them live. The people going to see the band however, they were very unimpressive. I was the youngest, hippest person there. Yes, the audience was also hella old and hella geeky. These were the guys in high school that sat in the back of the classroom who definitely smoked pot and probably didn't wash their clothes. Or the ones that were too smart for their own good and openly pined for you while you cut class to makeout with your football player boyfriend behind the bleachers only to find someone else making out with him (Rob, you prick!). Yeah, those guys. Now imaging they're 40 and they've brought all their friends and all their friends to see some band you've never heard of. That was my friday night. So after my hellish day at work and waiting in the cold for 90 plus minutes to see the more cowbell band, it is 1:30 in the morning and I am starving. I haven't eaten all day and it is cold and we are walking for blocks and not a single restaurant is open. So much for the city that never sleeps. My day is going awful. Fucking awful. We finally find a place to eat and then head back to Joe's place. Surprisingly for such a bad day I end my day by having phenomenal sex with Joe. Okay, I lie it was not phenomenal, but it was really, really, really, really good sex. Mmmmm.... where was I? Oh yes, the really, really, really, really good sex. It went on for what seemed like forever (which is good in my book), we didn't just stay in one position (which is fun) but it didn't end with the big O (which is bad, very bad). But it was some of the best non-orgasmic sex I've ever had. Today was such a lovely day I decided I didn't want to go to work. No I didn't quit, I just didn't go. Boss didn't even hassle me that much since he knows I'm on the verge of going postal and bringing a shotgun to work. So I had lunch with Joe, talked to Drew (who is about to kill Winona down in D.C where they are working for the week), and that was about it. Tomorrow I'm scheduled to go into work. I haven't decided if I'm going yet.

It Depends Upon What The Meaning Of The Word 'Is' Is

2006-01-02T22:21:00.001-05:00

Today is my first day back at work since Christmas. Winona and I are working together and I ask her how her Christmas with Drew went (Drew brought her back home with him for Christmas). She says it went well and things are fine between them except for"... we'll you know". I clearly do not know so I ask her what she means. She says that Drew doesn't touch her anymore and she doesn't know what to do. I know that Drew has had enough of her but I pretend like he hasn't told me anything. I tell her that they aren't having sex so I don't know what she expects. She says that while they are in fact not having sex they are doing "other stuff." Other stuff? Like hand jobs? Yes. Like blow jobs? Yes. Like cunnilingus? No. No?? No?!?!?! She says Drew doesn't like to reciprocate. Excuse me?? I will never ever go down on a man unless he goes down on me first. Reciprocity is the key to any relationship. Ladies, it is our job as women to fight the good fight. That means if he doesn't want to go down on you, NEVER go down on him. But if he goes down on you it's okay to not go down on him (at least in the beginning). It's part of the vaginal affirmative action doctrine.
Needless to say I am very disappointed with Winona. But here's the kicker. Another one of the "other things" they do is having Drew's penis inserted into her vagina. Wha??? Last time I checked a penis being inserted into a vagina equals sex. How could it not? If a penis being inserted into a vagina is not sex that what the hell is sex? And furthermore, does that mean I could still be a virgin? Holy Mother Of God! This girl is something else. She says that his penis was only in her for like, a second so it doesn't count. Apparently, Georgia Peach thinks that blowing men and occasionally allowing them to slip a penis in her still allows her to be a virgin and pure. What. A. Crock. Or Maybe I should say What. A .Cock.

Auld Lang Syne: Is That A Disease?

2006-01-01T21:36:00.000-05:00

A New Year is now upon us. Yesterday was New Year's Eve. Joe and I went to Chinatown for some real live authentic Chinese food. Sadly enough, I know nothing about authentic Chinese food and am ashamed to admit I have never eaten a meal in Chinatown. Joe and I are on our way when it starts to hail. This was prick your cheeks and sting your eyes hail. This was damn you idiots should have brought an umbrella because it is going to hail like a mother hail. The weather was so bad that I didn't feel like wandering around Chinatown for the best place to eat, so we settled on a place right off Canal Street. As we were escorted to our seats, I realized we were going to be sitting with other people. I had heard about this at Chinese restaurants but had completely forgot...until now. We were seated with a family of four. A seemingly nice couple with their two young children. I smiled politely at the family, after all we were sharing a table with them so I couldn't exactly ignore them. But I will say I do not like this idea of sitting with strangers. I hate strangers and I hate children, so the idea of sitting next to strange children was a bit off putting. Surprisingly the children were very well behaved.
After standing in what was now Snow after dinner waiting for a cab, we get back to Joe's place and I put on a pair of Joe's shorts as I let my clothes dry. The shorts are a size 30 and I wear a 27, so they are not that big. That's the problem when you date a smaller guy, he's closer to you in height (which is a bonus for me) but also in weight which means you cannot afford to gain weight for fear you will fit into his clothes! We watch a movie and then around 10pm we head out to a bar around the way. We get to drinking then Joe asks me what my New Year's resolution is. I want to say "Have more sex" but I don't want to seem so forward. I mean, no we haven't had sex in a while but I didn't want to come across as desperate. Besides, what if he thinks I mean more sex with people other than him? So instead I mumble some random heard it a million times resolution and I change the topic and order another drink. The clock strikes 12 midnight, we kiss and then order yet another drink.
We leave the bar around 1 am and I decide to stay the night at Joe's since it is so late anyway. Besides I am piss drunk and can barely walk down the street so I'm not going anywhere. We get back to Joe's and he's sitting on the edge of the bed taking off his shoes.
"So you want to watch the rest of the movie?" He asks referring to the movie we began watch earlier in the evening.
"No, I don't want to." I say taking off my own shoes on the other side of the bed.
"Then what do you want to do?"
"You know what I want to do" I say half drunk and half sober knowing that if he rejects my advances I can just blame the one too many margaritas.
"C'mon" I say flirtingly, "Don't be a miser."
And with that I gently push him down on the bed and straddle him. He kisses me and I run my hand down his chest then down towards his crotch and unzip his pants. I put my hands down his pants in an attempt to stimulate his nether regions only to find that he is already quite stimulated. I 'm relieved my risky move to put myself out there paid off. So off go his pants, off goes my shirt and the next thing I know we are hot, sweaty, and mid copulation. What a great way to start off the year.

They Say It's Your Birthday...

2005-12-28T23:56:00.000-05:00

I am officially 24 years old. With the emphasis on old. Birthdays make me depressed. I spent the afternoon shopping in Soho. I figured I would buy myself a way too expensive Marc Jacobs handbag to quell my sad soul. But I ended up not liking anything and just went to Sephora to buy makeup which always makes me happy. I received a ton of phone calls and texts from my friends and family wishing me a happy birthday and later in the evening Joe took me to a too hip for its own good tapas place. I had really wanted to try this Spanish cuisine as it's been all the rage lately. It was pretty good. I enjoyed the sangria though I find peach sangria to be much better. And on that note, we will keep this entry short and sweet and enjoy the next 364 days before my next birthday.

Let It Go, Let It Go, Let It Go...Away

2005-12-25T20:36:00.000-05:00

Ugh. I am sick. Today is Christmas and I am sick. And it's raining outside. This sucks. The only thing good about Christmas is my Christmas bonus and the fact that Christmas is almost over. I went to Midnight Mass and had dinner at my Grandma's for Christmas Eve. I had to see relatives that I can't stand and make polite conversation with them for fear of seeming like a bitch if I didn't. There's my alcoholic, Born Again Christian uncle. He used to always preach about Jesus. Now he gets too drunk to even remember who Jesus is. Then there is my neurotic aunt who was probably the creative inspiration for Diane Keaton's character in The First Wives' Club. Even down to the clothes. Yuck. My in the closet gay cousin, his homophobic father and his loquacious wife with their dumb dog. Who the hell brings a dog to someone's house for Christmas Eve? These people do. Practically everyone is drunk which is a great time for someone who is sober. All in all a great Christmas weekend. Now to get over the hurdle of my birthday on Wednesday. Ugh.

Mad About Her?

2005-12-12T22:14:00.000-05:00

I get to work at 10am and Drew is already there. I tell him that Bossy McBoss informed me that he is not moving in January as planned but moving in May. He says this is correct he has decided to stay and Boss will be giving him all the out of town jobs and I will be doing all the jobs here in New York. Fine by me. I also tell Drew that Boss tells me he is giving up his apartment and moving in with Winona. I chuckle at the ridiculousness of this as I say it. But then Drew says that this is also correct! What? How could this be? I thought Drew wanted to break up with her and he says he still does but he staying with her for convenience. But why would Winona even agree to this arrangement? After all, she has only been here for two weeks! But apparently she has! I would never ever let my boyfriend of a few weeks move in with me. I'm sorry but that is some clingy, psycho girl shit. Drew has indeed gone crazy. I would say Winona's gone crazy too but that would be implying that at one point in time she was sane and I don't know this girl well enough to know that. What does Drew see in her, with her plain face and soft body to match? Drew had left singledom for this? She must have a fascinating personality. I was baffled.
Drew explains to me that he has no other option as he has to be out of his apartment by the 1st of January. Drew says most couples stay together because of convenience so why not join the back! I laugh at the lunacy of it all but secretly wonder how it feels to be that head over heels in love with someone. I mostly think with my head and not with my heart and because of that I've never experienced "truly, madly, deeply" kind of love if you can even call it love. I think it's more infatuation and obsession than love. But I'm too mature and too cool for that crap...Right?

Christmas Songs and Table Saws

2005-12-09T23:54:00.000-05:00

I haven't had many auditions this month but let's face it, that's because I've been doing a half assed job when it comes to submitting for work. I had three auditions last week one of which was a New York Film Academy short. I received the lead in that and have been rehearsing this past week. It's nice to get back into the game. The film has a pretty interesting concept and I can't wait to see it once it's done. Today was the last rehearsal before the shoot on Tuesday. After rehearsal Joe met me near the New York Film Academy and we went out for dinner at this teeny tiny Mexican restaurant in the East Village. We went back to his place afterwards but I only stayed for a bit as I have to get off book by Tuesday.
I haven't been doing much except working with Drew and going on the occasional audition. Christmas is upon us and I absolutely hate the dreaded holiday. I may be the only girl in the world who feels this way but I hate gifts. Okay, let me reiterate that: I hate gifts when they are expected. Little unexpected but sincere tokens of love, friendship, or appreciation are nicer and far more heartwarming. I haven't bought a single Christmas gift this year and I didn't even put up a tree (gasp!) for the first time ever. I am just not in the holiday spirit. When you add the bitter cold into the mix I am just completely grumpy this time of year.Ironically, the one song that puts me in a happy mood is The Hannukah Song by Adam Sandler. Too bad I'm not Jewish.
Here are the lyrics to my absolute favorite Christmas Song. Enjoy!

Hey! Chingedy ching, (hee-haw, hee-haw)

It's Dominick the donkey.

Chingedy ching,(hee-haw, hee-haw)

The Italian Christmas donkey. (la la la-la la-la la la la la)(la la la-la la-la la-ee-oh-da)
Santa's got a little friend, His name is Dominick.

The cutest little donkey, You never see him kick.

When Santa visits his paisons, With Dominick he'll be.

Because the reindeer cannot, Climb the hills of Italy.
Hey! Chingedy ching, (hee-haw, hee-haw)

It's Dominick the donkey.

Chingedy ching, (hee-haw, hee-haw)

The Italian Christmas donkey. (la la la-la la-la la la la la) (la la la-la la-la la-ee-oh-da)
Jingle bells around his feet, And presents on the sled.

Hey! Look at the mayor's derby, On top of Dominick's head.

A pair of shoes for Louie, And a dress for Josephine.

The labels on the inside says, They're made in Brooklyn.

Hey! Chingedy ching, (hee-haw, hee-haw)

It's Dominick the donkey.

Chingedy ching, (hee-haw, hee-haw)

The Italian Christmas donkey. (la la la-la la-la la la la la) (la la la-la la-la la-ee-oh-da)
Children sing, and clap their hands,

And Dominick starts to dance.

They talk Italian to him,

And he even understands.
Cumpare sing, Cumpare su,

And dance 'sta tarantel.

When jusamagora comes to town,

And brings du ciuccianello.
Hey! Chingedy ching, (hee-haw, hee-haw)

It's Dominick the donkey.

Chingedy ching, (hee-haw, hee-haw)

The Italian Christmas donkey. (la la la-la la-la la la la la) (la la la-la la-la la-ee-oh-da)
Hey! Dominick! Buon Natale!

(hee-haw, hee-haw) (hee-haw, hee-haw)

(hee-haw, hee-haw)(hee-haw, hee-haw)

(hee-haw, hee-haw) (hee-haw, hee-haw)

This past summer some jackass thought it would be a good idea to make a loud ruckus every morning at 8am across the way from me. I don't know what the hell he was doing but it involved a table saw, that much I know. I couldn't get to sleep because my air conditioner wasn't installed yet and my windws were open. Everyday without fail this guy would start working on his nifty little project. I called 311 and they said after 7am anyone can make any kind of noise they want. Nothing is worse than me on little sleep. I'm am the crankiest bitch that ever walked the Earth. Sooooooo, I had this great idea. I took my boom box and placed it in the window. Put the volume at max and put Dominic The Italian Christmas Donkey on repeat and went to sleep in the living room which is on the other side of the building. I would chuckle to myself all day thinking about that insane song blasting in the middle of Summer.

I Really Have Heard It All Before

2005-12-03T22:26:00.000-05:00

So, I finally got my hands on Madonna's latest cd Confessions On A Dance Floor and I must say I love it. The CD plays like one track with no interruption which is great for dancing in your underwear around the house. Not that I would ever do such a thing! One of the better tracks is "Sorry" which I think is a single or is going to be one, I'm not sure since I don't listen to the radio. I'd like to post the lyrics in today's post as a dedication to X who basically still sucks ass even though I broke up with him in September. Yes I hold grudges, why do you ask?

Je suis désolé

Lo siento

Ik ben droevig

Sono spiacente

Perdóname

I've heard it all before

I don't wanna hear, I don't wanna know

Please don't say you're sorry

I've heard it all before

And I can take care of myself

I don't wanna hear, I don't wanna know

Please don't say 'forgive me'

I've seen it all before

And I can't take it anymore

You're not half the man you think you are

Save your words because you've gone too far

I've listened to your lies and all your stories (Listen to your stories)

You're not half the man you'd like to be

I don't wanna hear, I don't wanna know

Please don't say you're sorry

I've heard it all before

And I can take care of myself

I don't wanna hear, I don't wanna know

Please don't say 'forgive me'

I've seen it all before

And I can't take it anymore

Don't explain yourself cause talk is cheap

There's more important things than hearing you speak

You stay because I made it so convenient

Don't explain yourself, you'll never see

Gomen nasai

Mujhe maaf kardo

Przepraszam

Slihah

Forgive me

Sorry sorry sorry sorry...

I don’t wanna hear,I don’t wanna know

Please don’t say you’re sorry

I’ve heard it all before

And I can take care of myself

I don’t wanna hear,I don’t wanna know

Please don’t say forgive me

I’ve seen it all before

And I can’t take it anymore

I’ve heard it all before

Don’t explain yourself cause talk is cheap

There’s more important things than hearing you speak

I’ve heard it all before...

I know I should let bygones be bygones but when assholes like X come around I feel it's my duty to harp on their shortcomings because... well why the hell not! Everyone should know and no one should forget what an ass X was. I must also mention that X's problems are far from behind him and he could be facing jail time. I know, scary isn't it? Part of me hopes he does go to jail because he obviously didn't learn his lesson the first time around, but then part of me says that it's mean to wish ill will upon others so I won't hope for this to go one way or the other. I will keep you updated on his arraignment though, which is February 26th so we will all know whether or not he goes to jail and then that's it. I will never write about X again. X will officially be a persona non grata on my blog after we learn his fate.

Denim, Dooney and Dinner

2005-11-30T23:57:00.000-05:00

Today I had plans to meet Drew and Winona for dinner. Winona has moved nearby me so Drew thinks it would be great if I pick the restaurant since I live here and that way Winona can get to know the area a little better. I pick a great Cuban place, but I have a French place three doors down in mind just in case Winona doesn't dig Cuban. I also make sure to look my absolute best in a 'didn't try too hard' kind of way. When meeting another girl for the first time or when you haven't seen her in a long time, it imperative to look your best because there will always be an unspoken who looks better competition going on. I wear my best pair of designer jeans with a vintage looking v neck sweater I bought in NoLita and my black Kate Spade handbag.
When I meet Winona I am underwhelmed. This is the girl Drew thinks is worthy of ending his four year streak with no girlfriend? I look like a supermodel in comparison to her. I should be strutting the catwalks of Milan if she is the measurement of good looking. Clearly, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. While eating dinner (Cuban) I bring up the topic of our coworker Tiffany. Boss thinks Tiffany is "ugly" and while she certainly doesn't have movie star looks, I would classify her as "cute". When I ask Drew his opinion of Tiffany over dinner he agrees with me and says, "She's cute, but definitely no more than that. She's definitely not gorgeous like you two. Definitely not in your league!" Excuse me? Who's league? Our league? I'm sorry but Winona and I are definitely not in the same league! How insulting! Not that I am vain (I am) or full of myself (I'm that too) but I am playing for the majors here while Georgia Peach is still on a friggin' farm team! Same league my ass. This reminds me to my biggest pet peeve: People who think they can date outside their caste system. Yes, the caste system is alive and well and you motherfuckers who think you can hop skip and jump around it get on my last nerve. Ladies, we have all had it happen to us: Some uuuuugly ass man will approach you on the subway, or in a restaurant or wherever and you just want to say to him, "Excuse me? Look at me and then look at you. Why, Oh Why do you think I would go out with you?" But you don't say this because you don't want to be a bitch. And these guys, they must know this which is why they continue their search for filet mignon when all they're offering is prepackaged deli meat. This has nothing to do with Winona and Drew other than the fact that I am peeved that Drew thinks I belong to the same caste system as Winona.
The three of us are done with dinner and as we get up to leave the restaurant Winona comments on my jeans. "Nice Sevens" she says commenting on my Seven For All Mankind jeans. I thank her and then say "Nice bag" complimenting her Dooney and Burke satchel. See, that right there is a girl thing. A shallow girl thing. Spend way too much money on clothes or a bag just for another girl...girls do not dress for men, we dress for other girls.

I Enjoy Being A Girl

2005-11-19T17:15:00.000-05:00

I am a girlie girl. Therefore, by extension, I like to consider myself a girl's girl. However, some girls would probably classify me as a guy's girl. Let me be the first to say that I loathe guy's girls. These are the kind of girls that can command a room full of men and have their tongues rolled to the floor while being uber bitchy/catty/you kname it to any other females around. I am not like that. Ever. Yes, I do get a lot of attention from the opposite sex but that is because most, er... some men are pigs whose prerequisites are that you simply have a vagina. I think even that is negotiable! How else do you explain shemale transvestites? I digress... You must understand I was born with this condition known as bitchface. Bitchface is a condition in which your normal expression is that of a scowl.It can be interpreted as a 'I'm so much more beautiful than you peasants' scowl or sometimes a 'Look at me the wrong way and I will cut you' scowl or a fill in the blank but it always ends with a scowl. I can't help it. I think it's my high cheekbones and this thing I do with my eyebrow, the way I lift it. I think it gives off this bitch aura. For two others suffering from what is known as bitchface see: Hayek, Salma and Presley, Lisa Marie. So when Drew asks me to meet his girlfriend Winona for the first time at the end of the month, I hope my bitchface coupled with my thisclose relationship with Drew doesn't intimidate her. I like girls, I really do! Not like that though! Get your mind out of the gutter!

All Hallows Eve Reveals A Young, Chaste Georgia Peach

2005-11-01T13:29:00.000-05:00

Exactly around the time I broke it off with X, Drew got himself a girlfriend. Her name was Winona and Drew met her while he was in Georgia on a touring gig. It turned out that Winona was to be attending our alma mater in the Winter of 2006. This happened last summer, they kept in touch via email and in September Drew invited her to visit with him for a week in New York City. The same week I broke up with X. Funny, how when one relationship is ending another is blooming. Anyway, Drew declares he now has a girlfriend (his first one in about four years) and he is really excited about Winona moving up to NYC in December. How they are planning to make their relationship work while she is in Georgia and he's here, I have no idea but I wish them the best of luck anyway. Flash forward to one week later and Drew (fickle boy that he is) wants to break it off with Winona. Drew is planning on going back to school in Michigan in January and Winona will be moving in December, so he figures he only has to deal with her for a month in the flesh and the rest of October and November over the phone. Well this is panning out real well!
Yesterday was Halloween and Drew and I decide to go to the Village Parade. It is an unusually nice day for the end of October, so with only a charcoal gray sweater over my black v-neck and dark jeans, I catch a taxi and am off to meet Drew at 8pm. We meet on Bleecker and head over to the parade. I must mention that I absolutely love Halloween and it is my favorite holiday, but this year I did not dress up. I guess I was too preocupied with all that was going on in my life. After the parade, Drew and I go to an Italian Restaurant right arount the corner from Bleecker. We chat about Winona and Joe. During our conversation he reveals to me that Winona and him have not had sex. He says Winona is a virgin! Oh, my God, do they still exist? Adult virgins? I haven't known a virgin since I was in high school. After that the virgin population seems to deminish quite a bit. Then he reveals that she is only 18! And she's waiting for marriage!! My goodness! This just keeps getting better and better!
We finish dinner than go to Terra Blues and have a few drinks. There are tons of people there in their costumes including a Sponge Bob Square Pants. Joe calls but I can barely hear him over the music so I text him a message saying goodnight. Joe and I talk every day now. Weird, I know. It was months after X and I were dating before we starting calling each other on a daily basis. But apparently Joe is not about playing games and if he wants to call he calls, which is great by me. The band at Terra Blues starts doing some improv as blues bands are known to do and gets the audience involved in a rollicking version of the Sponge Bob Square Pants theme song. Good times for all. It's around 1 in the morning as I head into a taxi and head home for the night.

Another Atlantic City Adventure

2005-10-31T00:37:00.000-05:00

For the second time in almost a month, I have plans to go to Atlantic City. This time it is a business trip with Boss. Joe knows about my trip and says he might come by on Saturday night and we can spend some time together and that he will stay the night and leave in the morning before I have to be at work. Well, how awfully nice of a guy I just began dating about a week ago. When we get to Atlantic City, Boss has all these plans for us which include going to one gay bar after another. I tell him that maybe I have plans of my own. The nosiness ensues. "What plans? With who? Are you getting back with X?" To this I scream in frustration and let out what I didn't want to tell him: "Hell, no! I am not getting back with X, evah! It is someone else." He asks if it's the new guy and again, against my better judgement I tell him that it is.
Friday night my parents are in town for my father's birthday so I have plans to go out with them for the night and have dinner. Before I get off work Joe calls to say that he's sorry but he will be too busy with work to come to Atlantic City to see me. Great. Blown off by yet another guy to Atlantic City. I don't have much luck in this town. Good thing I don't play the roulette table. The phone rings again. Oh. My. God. It's X. Why, oh WHY is he calling me?!?!? He wants me to give him another chance. I say no. He says he can't believe that our relationship is not strong enough to overcome this. My goodness, didn't we have this same conversation earlier in the month when I was on yet another business trip? I tell him that I deserve more than what he has given to me and that we are over. He says that he knows that we are over then asks if I am seeing anyone. I lie and say no. If I told him the truth that would just complicate things and make him think I left him for someone else and not because of his stupid ways. He says he wants me back and I tell him he can't have me back (besides if he knew I had slept with someone else he wouldn't even want me back). This goes back and forth for what seems like an eternity and then he rudely says, "Well sorry for bothering you." and hangs up. I start to feel bad until I remember just why I broke up with him in the first place.
After I have dinner with my parents, we go to the Tropicana and gamble a bit then I head back to my hotel room. I spend the rest of the weekend working, gambling and drinking complementary drinks. Joe does call me on Saturday night and invites me out to dinner after I get back from Atlantic City Sunday night. I tell him in the utmost tongue in cheek manner that I will have dinner with him even though he stood me up and left me devastated. We talk for quite a bit and then I end our conversation so I can hit the shower.

Sacked in The Third Quarter

2005-10-25T15:07:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was Monday Night Football and Joe invited me over to watch the game with him. Now normally I would rather face a fate worse than death than watch football but the idea of spending time with Joe wins me over. I must admit that I figure we will only watch a bit of football and then Joe will become so enthralled with me and spend the rest of the evening making out on the couch and he will forget all about the game. Yes, I have an ego the size of Texas, why do you ask? Anyway, I was wrong. Joe is in football mode yelling at the television while I sit quietly beside him not knowing what the hell is going on. Honestly, I know nothing about the game though I've dated many football players in college and high school (turns out Joe played college ball- probably the only thing him and X have in common) and would have a hard time naming even one football player. Okay I know one- Drew Bledsoe. He was hot and played for the Patriots when I saw his fine ass bent over on my television screen all those years ago. Oh, and Dan Marino. Marino played for... um, some team in Miami. I only know this because I've seen Ace Ventura: Pet Detective one too many times. The Dolphins! The Miami Dolphins! Duh! How could I forget that! They kidnapped Snowflake- a Dolphin(!) in that movie. "If he had held the ball laces out like he's supposed to, Ray would never have missed that kick. Dan Marino should die of gonorrhea and rot in hell!"So there's two. Ooh, wait- Doug Flutie! "Hi I'm Doug Flutie, buy my Flutie Flakes! It will help kids with autism and shit!" The point here is that I don't know bupkiss about football so as soon as I realize Joe is really into this game I realize this was a bad idea. Now if this were X, I would pout like a baby and demand he change the fucking channel. But that's because I liked to pick fights with X so I could go home and not see him. Passive agressive? Who, me? Nah! Instead, I decide that I should pay attention and maybe, just maybe I could learn a thing or two.
I think we are in the second quarter (who the hell knows) when the game goes to commercial. Wait a second, I'm wrong, we are at half time- well the half time show just ended. I'm not sure how the topic is brought up but Joe turns to me and says, "I think we should make love tonight." Jeez, Make love? Dude, you barely even know me and we are going to make love? There is no love here, there is only lust. There is only 'I think you're really hot and would like to see you naked' feelings here. I reply back with a raised eyebrow and say, "Oh, really?" to which he replies in the affirmative and I laugh and the game comes back on and I divert my attention to the television. Well I can't believe that I have no self control, but Joe and I were in bed before the game was even over. Four dates and I'm in bed with this guy? What was I thinking?? I know exactly what I was thinking. I was thinking it is time to have 'move on' sex. You see, in case you haven't figured it out already I hate, hate, HATE The X. I hate everything about him. And let me set this straight: Joe is not a rebound. I was not in love with The X when we broke up. He did not break my heart. Remember, I broke up with him. I'm just so angry with X for all the lies and bullshit that I needed to move on and put that in the past. And what better way to do that than to find someone new? I need to focus my energy on more positive things and not X.
Anyway to make a long story longer, Joe and I had sex and even though I had wanted to at the moment, I think I'm regretting it. Yes, technically it's only been our fourth date but I didn't just meet Joe a week ago. I'd like to think because we were acquaintances that I felt more comfortable giving it up so quickly. Am I making too much of this? Am I being a prude? Or am I a slut? Please, I am so not a slut! Four dates with a guy I've known for quite a few months. I would say that's pretty normal. Whatever. What is done is done.
Oh and by the way, the sex was quite good.

We Should've Seen "Death Blow" Instead

2005-10-24T02:58:00.000-04:00

After our first date, Joe calls me the very next day. Yes, the very next day. I am so not used to this. Aren't men supposed to wait a while before calling back? Anyway, Joe calls me in the afternoon to ask me out again! For the next day! Whoa, this is way weird. It's great, but weird. Why isn't this guy playing it cool? Doesn't he believe in playing games? So were on for dinner and a movie on Friday. It was a nice date and though my libido is in overdrive, the date does not end with sex. I really like this guy and my head is telling me not to move too fast so (for today) I listen to it.
Today is Sunday and I am running late for work. I am almost there when my phone rings. It is Bossy McBoss. Ugh. Boss wants to know where I am since I was supposed to be at work 10 minutes ago and he is worried because I am "never late". What kind of crack is Boss smoking? I am always late. I tell him I am right around the block. He tells me he has a surprise for me. I assume it's breakfast (coffee and a chocolate croissant from Zabar's) and tell him I will be there in a minute. When I get to work the new guy Ricky is there talking with Boss and...Joe. What is he doing here?? I do not want to tell Boss what is going on between us so I guess I will have to pretend like nothing has changed since I've last seen Joe at work. I say hello to everyone in my 'it's too fucking early in the morning to be chipper' tone and barely even look at Joe. "So where's my surprise?" I say to Boss as Joe walks away for a moment. "It's right over there." Boss says softly with a shit eating grin on his face as he points to Joe. "Now that he's here, you can make your move." Oh, Jeez. Why do I have to work with such blabber mouths? "Whatever, Boss. I'm interested in someone else now." Boss seems very surprised and the nosy bastard tells me that he was trying to get a hold of me Friday night but that my phone was off and asks me if I was with this "new guy". Reluctantly I say yes. Joe comes back and Boss continues to interrogate me. "So where did you guys go?" I don't know why I even answer his privacy invading questions, but I do.
"We went out for dinner and a movie."
"What movie did you see?"
"Rochelle, Rochelle" I say being facetious and recalling the ficticious movie from a Seinfeld episode.
"A young girl's strange, erotic journey from Milan to Minsk?" says Joe, recalling the tagline to the fake film. My heart stops for a second because I realize he was listening in on our conversation. He knows the Seinfeld episode. He knows I'm talking about him.
"Yes." I say smiling at him to let him know that I know that he knows.
He then says he's seen the "movie" and starts asking me some questions about it.
We continue on in our own little world of code with Boss being none the wiser.
The fact that Boss has never seen an episode of Seinfeld in his life and thinks we are talking about about a real movie that I went to with a guy that doesn't exist makes it all the more humorous.
After work Joe invites me out for dinner and I accept. I think to myself what a seemingly normal guy this is, one that doesn't play games and is honest, funny and oh so likeable and for the first time in a long time, when no one is looking, I smile a real genuine smile just because.

A Kiss on the Lips

2005-10-20T16:38:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was Wednesday the day of my sort of date with Joe. I had a million errands to run and I was actually starting to feel a bit nervous. I haven't been on a date in a long time so it was only inevitable that I would have a few butterflies in my stomach. Joe calls me around 8pm and asks me if I've already left. Is he going to cancel on me? Has he changed his mind?? Is he going to stand me up?!? Ack!! I tell him I was literally just on my way out. He says he has an errand of his own to run but that he should be back by the time I swing by. Phew! False alarm. It is now 8: 30 ish and I get to Joe's place. Only I can't find the apartment number. The phone rings. It's Shannon, one of my best girl friends and sorority sister from my days at college. "Hey! What's up?" I say as rummage through my clutch for the paper with Joe's apartment number on it. Shannon goes on and on about how down she now that she is single again and to top it off, her ex-boyfriend is stalking her. Like the good friend that I am I only half listen to her woes while I spat off some tired cliches of everything happens for a reason and blah, blah, fucking blah. Where the hell is this piece of paper??? I tell Shannon that I have to go because I am lost and need to call the person I am meeting. I call Joe and he says he isn't home yet but he will be there in five minutes. Five minutes go by and then Joe pulls up in a taxi. The taxi stops. Joe comes out to retrieve me and we hop back into the taxi. He says we're going to an Italian restaurant in the West Village that I just read about in New York magazine. He says he made a reservation for 9pm. A reservation? Nice. So he actually thought enough to make a reservation. So then this is a date. I was on a real live date. Imagine that.
We get to the restaurant and as we are waiting for our table at the bar Shannon calls me, again. She is feeling very down and wants to have lunch tomorrow. I tell her that I'm free and will call her tomorrow to confirm. I turn my cell phone off. We have a great dinner and I revel in the fact that I am on a nice date with a nice guy and no longer have to deal with X as he is but a distant memory. I have a great time at dinner, the conversation keeps rolling with little to no awkward pauses and we are the last to leave the restaurant. As we leave, Joe tells me how he walks across the Williamsburg bridge all the time since he lives right near it. He asks me if I want to walk across it and I agree, thinking it could be romantic. Yes, I read too much Chick Lit, I know. We walk across the bridge and our arms brush against one another a few times. When we get to the middle of the bridge I stop to get in the full view. I make up something about the great view and the nice weather. He agrees. We stand in silence for a bit. Kiss me. Kiss me now, damnit! The timing is perfect, don't be afraid! His phone rings. Shit! I continue to walk as he chats about work a few steps behind me.
We get to Joe's place and I drop off the book. There is nothing more to say so I'm thisclose to thanking him for dinner and heading out the door when he asks if I want a tour of his place. I say "Sure!" hoping he will get up the courage to do something. He shows me around the apartment. It's pretty much a minimal look with the exception of some odd tchotchkes around the place. I look out the window which disappointingly doesn't have a view of the Williamsburg bridge. We start back up with the mindless chit chat and then... silence. Awkward silence. I should go. Now. This is way too awkward for me. I look at him and our eyes meet. For the first time all night he touches me. He puts his hand on my shoulder and asks me if I had a good time tonight. I say yes and he says he's glad. He asks me if he can kiss me. What a dork. Note to men: Don't ask a woman if you can kiss her. This is so stupid. Just grow some balls and kiss her! So I laugh softly at this request for permission to kiss me, but I agree. He goes in for the kiss and doesn't wait long to add his tongue into the mix. His kisses are all tongue and no lip. Me no likey. This is awkward but first kisses are always awkward so I continue. Now don't get me wrong, his kissing wasn't that great but that doesn't mean I didn't want more. Next thing I know some heavy petting is going on, my pants have come off and he is now asking permission to kiss another pair of lips. Wha??? Oh. My. God. My libido is at an all time high and this great guy is asking to go down on me? Thank you Jesus! Except... I have to say no. Unfortunately I am riding the crimson wave this week. Damn you Jesus! We continue our makeout session and some hours later I make it back home high on lust.

You've Got Mail

2005-10-17T00:30:00.000-04:00

Came home from work today 0 for 2. Joe stopped by yet again today but Bossy McBoss was around and Joe seemed to be in a bit of a rush so I didn't say anything to him. More importantly, like I have said before, I had no idea what I was supposed to say anyway. Even though I'm all for the feminist movement, I couldn't very well ask him out on a date. What if he said no? Jeez, how do guys do this every day? I get agita just thinking about it. Flash forward to tonight and I am slightly bummed. Today was my last day of local work in Manhattan as I mentioned before and my last chance of making something happen with Joe and I did absolutely nada. Yes, I am fully aware of how lame I am. Then in a moment of brilliance and/or sheer desperation (depending on who you talk to), I decide to email Joe. I don't ask him out because I am too chicken shit for that. Instead, I remember that about a month ago Joe lent me a book when I was out from work due to minor surgery and I email him to tell him that I finished the book and that if he wants me to drop it off to him at his place since I won't see him anymore as today was my last day at work. I send the email on its way and go take a shower with the hope of washing off the shitty work day I just had.
I'm combing my hair out on my bed wearing only a towel when I hear the "You've Got Mail" voice from my computer. I check my new mail folder to see an email from none other than Joe Scribe. I click open the email as my heart races a mile a minute. The email reads:
Hey, Nina.
Why not come by Wednesday night and drop it off and we'll grab some dinner afterwards.
Joe
Squee! He's asking me out on a date! He's asking me out on a date, right? I mean he says "we'll grab some dinner". Is he just wanting to grab some dinner as a favor since I'm clearly going out of my way to drop this dumb book off? Or is he interested in me? After analyzing the email for about an hour I decide he is asking me out on a date and hope for the best on Wednesday.

All The Right Moves

2005-10-16T01:32:00.000-04:00

"So I hear you have a thing for Joe Scribe." Bossy McBoss says to me. It is 8:00 am on a Saturday morning and this is my first day back at work since the Jersey trip. I don't even think I fully heard what Boss said. "What? Have you been talking to Drew?" Drew, who is my co-worker as well, is such a gossip. I should have known better than to tell Drew anything. Bossy McBoss says he surprised to hear that I have a thing for Joe. I tell him I don't understand why he is so surprised because I used to joke about liking Joe during the summer every now and then. Boss says he thought I was just joking and I guess I was joking then, because I had a boyfriend so Joe was off limits. But then again, maybe I wasn't joking. I hadn't put much thought into it other than I found Joe attractive when I first met him and that was that. I guess my joking was a way of putting it out there that I liked Joe without having to really say it. After all if someone were to say something all I had to say was that I was joking. Joking, people JOKING!
Boss continues on about Joe. He says Joe is too old for me (how old could Joe possibly be 38, 39?) and he says Joe isn't all that cute to him (Boss is gay). I say thank goodness Joe isn't all that cute to you because I don't need any competition. Besides Joe is of legal age and that would be a major turn-off for Boss who likes them young,dumb and hung. Boss then says, "I bet you he's not packing much down there." Oh no he didn't! Oh yes... he did! "Boss" I say, "I'm sure he is just adequate down there thankyouverymuch." I cannot believe we are having this conversation at 8 in the morning.
Joe is a writer (hence the Scribe surname) who's day job is running a business in which Bossy McBoss is a client of his. When Joe first started he would personally come by, but now his business has expanded so much that he rarely stops by. This leads to my problem: How am I going to put the moves on Joe if Joe is never around. Also, what exactly are these "moves" I speak of? I have been out of the dating scene for so long I don't even know where to begin. Tomorrow is my last day at work here in New York. from now on I will be doing out of town business trips. So basically, I have this small window of opportunity (today and tomorrow) to 1. Hope that he even stops by and 2. If he does stop by, find a way to let him know I'm interested. Oy! This is going to be a mission! This morning one of Joe's assistants shows up. Joe's assistant tells Boss he will be back later on this evening (right before I get off my shift). As I overhear this I realize that Joe will probably not stop by today at all and the odds of me snagging Joe go down, way down. I spend the rest of the day deciding to set my sights on someone else and to forget about the prospect of Joe. Work is way annoying today (isn't it always) and I can't wait to get off my shift (30 minutes to go! woo hoo!) when out of the corner of my eye I see someone standing a few feet away from me. I turn and see Joe. My face lights up and I say hello a little too enthusiatically. Shit. Does he know? Is the jig up? Am I too obvious? We make small talk and I smile too big and too often but I can't help myself. If there was ever a sign to do something it was now with Joe's unexpected visit. But do I do anything? No, I don't. I just continue to make small talk then sign out for the day and smile and say goodbye to Joe. Boy do I know how to work it, huh! What a dumbass. My last opportunity and I let it go down the drain.

New Jersey: The Oil and Petrochemical Refinery State

2005-10-10T14:52:00.000-04:00

I spent the past four days in Jersey on a business trip (for my day job, not an acting gig). I will be going back to Jersey later this month for another business trip. While in Jersey, there was absolutely nothing to do during my free time. I was tempted to jump on a New Jersey transit bus and head back to New York one too many times. The first night we were there Bossy McBoss takes me out to dinner. He always takes his employees out to dinner on the first night of a business trip and lucky for me *sarcasm* I am the only employee with him on this business trip. Even though it has been two weeks since my breakup with the X, I am still feeling down. Not down because of him, but down because I am alone. Yes, I have morphed into one of those girls that needs a boyfriend. Yes, I hate myself too. An hour before I head out the hotel room to meet with Boss for dinner I get a phone call... from X! What the hell does he want? He tells me he misses me and he cannot believe I wont give him a second chance. I correct him and tell him I did give him a second chance two years ago when he got arrested and this would infact be his third chance. He tells me he is sorry and he will change. Frankly, I am tired of this bullshit and as he is whining on and on I am thinking about all the things I had given up on because I thought I was going to be with X for the rest of my life. I wanted a man who was Catholic (X was atheist), who liked to read (X wouldn't even read the t.v guide) who didn't have a child (yes, sadly X was a father to a child he conceived in high school. He didn't tell me about the child because he was not in the child's life but it was very disheartening to hear and it was break #23 for us after that) and had some sort of career goals other than to make money. Maybe it is because I am an actress and need artistic fufillment in my life, but I could never understand the concept of one's career goal being to make money. Why not be a drug dealer then? Well X actually was in college -cue break #275. The point of this whole rant was that while X was on the phone talking to me about how he could be a better man I was thinking about all the better men already out there. All the men, all the possibilities, all the opportunities. All awaiting me once I just stopped feeling sorry for myself. So I did just that and told X, "I don't love you anymore. I'm sorry, but it's over." And with that I got ready for dinner with Boss.
As I left the hotel room and headed to the lobby I started thinking about a certain guy I had had my eye on but never attempted anything with because I was with X. Now that I was free and single I had no reason not to go for it. Except that I don't ever just "go for it". No, I usually let "it" go for me. I have never shown any interest in him in the past 4 or so months that I've known him. How would he know that all of a sudden I'm interested? I guess I will have no other choice but to make the first move. Yikes. *cue scary music*

The Scot and the Posh Girl from Kensington

2005-10-02T02:07:00.000-04:00

It has been one week since I found out about X's extracurricular activities. I haven't spoken to him since I saw him on Monday. Not a word. I was feeling very depressed today. Why? Because I can't believe I wasted all this time on this pathetic person. How can I work today? I am not in the mood to work. "Oh, suck it up!" Bossy McBoss would say. But he doesn't. Boss actually tells me I shouldn't have been so rash and broke things off. He says I should have given it more thought. "After all, " he says, "You've been together for a long time." Yes, true. But what X had done was a deal breaker. Drugs and guns? Guns and drugs? How could I stand for this? I really just wanted to go home. I decide to take my break. As I head outside and walk down Broadway, I see a man in a kilt in front of Au Bon Pain walking toward me. I noticed the kilt before anything and didn't even get a real look at the guy. But as he came closer, I notice him. From feet to kilt to face to Martin. Martin MacDougal. No. Yes. It was him. My Scottish fling. I was not with X at the time (it was break# 342 I believe). I had met Martin on the set of a film I was working on (did I mention that I am an actress? Well pretending to be one anyway.) Martin was my dialect coach. I had to learn how to do a Cockney accent in a matter of a day as the director decided he didn't want standard British accents anymore. I had learned my standard British accent in acting conservatory so I was pretty comfortable with it. However, the Cockney accent I was having a bit of trouble with. Martin would tell me I sounded way too posh. He said I sounded like I was from Kensington which is apparently a very tony part of England(I don't get out much.) He would tell me think more Ginger Spice and less Posh Spice. Excuse me? Did he think the only way I could do this was by referencing the Spice Girls?!? How sexist, how demeaning, how... right of him. I pretty much nailed it after that.
After that day on the set Martin asked me out and I said yes. After our first date he was smitten. I was merely intrigued. He wanted to go out again, but I wasn't so sure what I was getting into. Martin was an attractive man with a propensity for pleasing a woman and not asking for anything in return (jackpot!). He had that Scottish brogue. Ah, that Scottish brogue. So sexy yet so indecipherable *swoon*. Okay, sorry where was I? I think I went on the tangent of all tangents and I think I need to take a cold shower. But I digress; back to today. Here was Martin standing in front of me. Well not right in front of me but right ahead of me. What should I do? Should I talk to him? Should I run? Yes, run. Good idea. Okay, so I didn't exactly run away but I did high tail it into Tower Records before he could spot me.

Cry Me A River

2005-09-28T22:32:00.000-04:00

I haven't spoken to X since Monday. As I am laying on my couch watching my daily dose of the trashy Maury Povich show (When it comes to 3 year old Shaniqua, Tyrone- you are the father!) my phone rings. The Caller ID says it is an unknown number and I do not pick up unknown numbers. A few seconds later a blue light comes up on my phone letting me know I have a mesage. Unknown number must have left me a message. I listen to the message. Oh. My. God. It's the X's mother. She's sobbing. She says she is all alone at home (her husband went back to Romania to visit family) and she is so depressed she needs someone to talk to. Did I mention that X was kicked out of his apartment the night he was arrested and now he is living back home? Well he is. Anyway, I feel so bad for Mom X that I reluctantly agree to come by to console her. My brother Jay needs a ride to work today and I agreed to take him so I ask him if he can come with me to the X's parents house so I don't have to make two trips. He agrees and stays in the parked car while I go into the X's home.
Just a little note: The X's mother is fucking crazy. To say she was obsessed with her son would be an understatement. She practically ignores X's sister, I mean I would too, after all X's sister is a bona fide bitch- but I'm not her mother. So X's mother tries to convince me to get back with her son. I say," no way." She cries. I say, "look what he has done." She says, "What has he done? He had a little pot on him, a little cocaine on him and was on a little LSD, he completely forgot he had that gun. It wasn't even loaded. We all make mistakes!" Mistakes?!? Yes, I myself have made many mistakes, like when I confuse the definitions of endemic and pandemic, or how I always confuse the actors Phillip Seymore Hoffman and John C. Reilly. Not, "Whoopsie! I guess I was tripping on acid and I didn't even realized I misplaced my blow!" Then Mom X proceeds to say that this whole mess is 1. Roomie's fault for calling the ambulance and 2. my fault (!!!!) for having such a tight leash on him. Please!!! Bitch is crazy! I told Mom X I didn't have time to get into all this and had to drive my bro to work. Bit of advice to Mom X: You need to realize your son, and only your son is to blame for his lame behavior, period.

Sex, Drugs and Rock n Roll

2005-09-27T00:48:00.000-04:00

The X came over this afternoon to tell me about the lovely escapades that lead to his arrest. He tells me that on Thursday his roommate and another buddy decided to get piss drunk in his apartment. Apparently X got so piss drunk that he passed out and his roommate called an ambulance. When the ambulance arrived they came with the police, which they almost always do. According to X, his buddy was so piss drunk that he began to swing a bat at the police and the police got upset (ya think?) so they arrested all three of them. On X's person was some cocaine and pot and in his room was *dun, Dun, DUN!*... another gun! At this point I think I am halleucinating. Did this man just say that there was cocaine and pot on his person and a gun in his room? I don't even like to consume caffeine and the only weapon I have is my sarcastic wit. Who the hell am I dating here? Of all the people I thought I would end up with, it was not a gun toting, cocaine snorting boyfriend!
After his confession I question the validity of the "getting piss drunk" part of his story. The X is a big man. I met him while he was playing football ( position: offensive lineman) against my school's football team in college. I have never seen X drunk. Ever. He never had enough money in his wallet to get himself drunk, big guy that he was. So X confesses that he lied (no shit!) and that he and his buddies were high- on LSD. Wha? I didn't realize people even took LSD anymore, much less my boyfriend of five years. How could I know so little about a man that wanted to marry me and have children with me? I feel like such an ass. So the real story is that they were tripping and X had a really bad trip and roomie thought (remember he is high as well) X had overdosed or something (according to roomie, X was not breathing) and called 911. And so the night began. I tell X I don't think I can forgive him for this. I tell him that there is no honesty, trust or communication in our relationship and I don't want to be in this relationship anymore. He tells me he has never been unfaithful to me. I tell him that just because he hasn't had sex with anyone but me during our relationship does not qualify him for a free pass. But he asks me to think it over. He begs me to think it over. I really don't want to think it over but like a doofus I say okay. I spend the rest of the evening in some sort of coma not fully realizing what has happened and wondering why I am not more mad and why I can't conjure up a single tear over the loss of this relationship. I call Drew (one of my best bud's from college) but he does not pick up. I break out my cd collection and wallow in self pity as I listen to the most depressing songs I can find.

Nina In New York

2005-09-25T20:05:00.000-04:00

My name is Nina. I live in New York. I was supposed to spend this weekend in Atlantic City with my boyfriend of five years. Instead, I am writing this blog as a single woman looking to start anew. My boyfriend of five years (from now on referred to as X) turns 24 today. Our plans were to spend the weekend in Atlantic City as X has never been there before and I figured some good ol' fashioned debauchery would do us some good. X and I have been stuck in a rut and just two weeks ago I had been contemplating breaking up with him. Again. For about the millionth time in five years. X and I have been together since college, but we have taken numerous breaks. X and I haven't had sex since the beginning of this month and frankly, I don't miss it. I know that since we are going away this weekend and it is his birthday, I will have to give him a mercy fuck. Isn't that what birthdays and anniversaries are for? Except we are not in Atlantic City. No, I am at home and X has just got out of Nassau County Jail last night.
X and I talk on the phone every night. EVERY NIGHT. If I don't hear from him I know something is wrong. The first time I didn't hear from him (other than on our numerous breaks) was about two years ago. Where was he? In jail. He was purchasing pot with a buddy of his and as they went back into X's car the cops pulled them over, saw the pot in plain sight and asked them both to step out of the car. The searched the car and found *dun, Dun , DUN!*... a gun! They were both arrested on a Friday night and I hadn't heard from X until Sunday night. Needless to say, we were on a bit of a break after that. So now we flash forward to this past Friday afternoon and I can't get a hold of the X. Where is he? Is his cell phone dead? Did he leave his cell phone at home or in the car by accident? When I don't hear from him by Saturday evening, I know exactly where he is. In jail. I hope I am wrong, but I'm not. Late Saturday night I get a call:
"Hey, What's up?"
"What's up? We were supposed to be in Atlantic City this weekend but instead you were MIA! You tell me what's up?!?!"
X couldn't even bother to tell me what happened. He would only confirm that I was right about his location for the weekend and that he would talk to me today and tell me all about it. I've ignored all his phone calls until just recently. He begged me to come over tomorrow so he could tell me in person just what had happened. I agree and tell him not to lie to me because I know what he has done and I will only hate him further if he lies. And thanks to the world wide web I know exactly what he was arrested for. Little does he know that whether he is honest or not with me tomorrow, the X and I are no longer.